


too young to be this sad

by shipthemboys



Category: One Direction (Band)
Genre: Angst, M/M, and like almost no plot, just random moments
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-12-20
Updated: 2013-12-20
Packaged: 2018-01-05 07:34:38
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,391
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1091278
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/shipthemboys/pseuds/shipthemboys
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Louis will always need Harry, without telling him.</p>
<p>Harry will always be there to keep Louis safe, without being asked.</p>
            </blockquote>





	too young to be this sad

**Author's Note:**

> To my unicorn and the rest of the munchkins. 
> 
> All mistakes are mine, apologies if there are too many.

Louis sighed for the fifth time and turned his head to his right, his gaze falling on the sleeping boy in the next bed over. His blue orbs scanned over the curls falling across Harry's face and a small smile tugged at the corners of his lips. He watched for a few more moments, to make sure that the younger lad is fully asleep before Louis pushed the covers off of him and his feet touched the ground, slowly crossing the small distance between their beds and stood over Harry. 

The rise and fall of Harry's chest indicated that he was in a deep sleep and Louis curled his bottom tier between his teeth, thoughts of going back to his own bed swimming into the front of his mind but before he could make a choice, his hand were moving on their own accord as if they knew that any second longer and he would turn around. 

Instead he found himself slipping into Harry's bed and under his covers, holding his body as far as he possibly could as to not wake the boy. Another sigh escaped from his parted lips as he held up his weight on his arm, the other stretching forward and brushing across Harry's cheek with the pads of his fingers.  He froze when the younger lad seemed to have shifted in his sleep and leaned into the touch. Afraid that Harry was waking up from all the movement in his bed, Louis stilled his hand and held his breath, waiting. 

 When nothing had happened after he counted to three hundred, he pulled back his hand and lay on his side, watching the boy sleep. Sure, if Harry were to wake up and wonder why the older boy was in his bed, well, Louis would just make up something on the spot because right now his mind was only full of thoughts about the curly haired boy in front of him. 

 It wasn't like they have never shared a bed before. They have actually done that many a time, and not just Louis and Harry. They all sometimes wanted some human contact and warmth at night. So this wasn't anything too out of the ordinery. Except... 

 Except that Louis might have been, possibly, very much likely, kind of head over heels in love with Harry. And that wasn't something he could just admit to anyone. So he keeps quiet and curses his heart for speeding up when Harry gives h that smile that takes Louis breath away.

Or when Harry hugs him for just a few seconds longer than anyone else. Or even the way Harry says his name sometimes makes Louis want to grab the younger lad by his shirt, push him against the wall and snog him so hard that both their knees go week. 

 But he can't. So he just uses these quiet moments in the middle of the night, when Harry is asleep to be close to him and able to touch him without anyone asking questions. 

 Louis' hand rested on Harry's chest and he closed his lids to try and pretend that Harry actually wanted him next to him but he was so relaxed that he was slowly falling asleep next to the boy he so craved and he knew that in the morning there would be raised brows and awkward conversations but at this point he couldn't care. And if perhaps he thought that he felt a hand covering his right before he fell asleep, well, that can all wait until the morning.

When the morning sun was streaming through the curtains of the hotel room, Louis groaned and pulled the covers up higher to shield his face. It took him another ten seconds to remember last night and after listening to the sounds around him, he slowly uncovered his face and looked at the empty place next to him. Harry wasn't there. He was all alone in the bed. 

\--------

It hurts.  
A lot.  
He isn't sure if the pain is real.  
Everything hurts so much that he has trouble breathing.   
Short, raspy breaths are the only sounds heard in the hotel room as he lays in his bed as still as possible. Looking upwards at the ceiling, Louis blinks, tries to calm his heart.His hands are clawing at his chest, blunt nails digging into the skin, attempting as if to reach the fast beating organ and hold it in his palms to slow it down. 

Surely it was beating too fast. All he could hear in his ears was the loud and fast movement of it. Like a drum. Thumpthumpthumpthumpthump. He was sure there was supposed to be a pause somewhere but not his heart. No, it was in too much pain to slow down. And oddly enough, Louis thought, he didn't mind if it ran itself out. Then all his pain would stop and he could breathe again. 

Because what was the point of it all? What was the point in pretending to not feel how he does? Why wasn't he allowed to be himself instead of hiding it? Was he really so bad that people didn't want to know the real him, choosing to believe what was being showed instead? 

All the press and management and even some of the fans were all telling him something he didn't want to hear. So when they finished with the show and answered all questions, he was the first one back on the bus and held his arms around himself as they drove to the hotel. Harry had sat next to him the whole way and held his hand on Louis' knee without either of them talking to one another. Louis was too far inside his head to pay attention to what was going on around him but the constant heat from Harry's touch kept him anchored.

When they arrived and paired off to their rooms, Louis had a quick shower and changed his clothes before crashing on top of his bed, too tired to do anything. And that's always the time when the demons come back. The voices always find some crack in his heavily built walls when he's this tired. 

His breath quickened again and he shut his eyes tight when the room began to spin. His fingers tightly curled around the sheets underneath him for some support. It's not real, he said to himself taking a breath. Just get over it. He groaned when he realised that it wasn't going to get better and he wished with all his might that he had enough strength in him to get in Harry's bed but he was too far gone. No, tonight he will have to suffer on his own. No point in getting the younger boy involved in whatever what going on with him. He could deal with this on his own. He really could. 

Louis inhaled and exhaled slowly, focusing on staying calm, eyes still shut when he felt the bed dip. He didn't flinch when he felt a warm body next to his under the covers, instead he felt some of the tension release from his shoulders and the voices slowly retreated back to the dark corners of his mind to come back another day. Louis coulsnt think about that now, not when fingers raked through his hair, gentle at first then a little harder just how he liked. His own relaxed against the sheets. Louis' sides were pressed against someone's chest and he didn't need to open his eyes to know who it was. He didn't know how, but sometimes Harry just knew when he needed him and was there. Staying with him until he calmed down. Harry's hand moved up and down over his arm and chest slow. His breathing was back to normal and he didn't feel like drowning anymore. 

"It's ok, Lou, I'm here" Harry whispered lowly and he could feel warm breath on his neck. "You're safe"

Safe. Yes, Louis was safe. If Harry was there with him, then all will be alright. Louis almost smiled at that as he drifted asleep. 

When he woke up, he was alone. He didn't let it bring him down. 

\-----------

A week had past since the night Harry helped him calm down and neither of the boys have mentioned it. Louis likes to think of it as the time in the long forgotten past that doesn't need to be addressed unless one of them is dying and right now both of them were fine so why bring it up. 

Of course that would be easier done than not if Harry would stop looking at him with those eyes every time Louis zones out.

Sometimes Louis was worried that maybe Harry knew how he felt about him but surely he would have said something. Or stopped being so friendly with him. Right? 

He shook the thoughts out of his head and drummed his fingers against his knee while he waited for Harry to settle on a movie to watch. 

Casting a quick glance in the younger boys direction, Louis felt his lips curl into a grin and a laugh escaped his mouth before he could hide it and Harry turned his attention towards him, brows furrowed in confusion. 

"You know you look like a baby lizard when you're doing that, right?" Louis said.

"Do what?" Harry asked, giving him another look.

"You know"

"I haven't a clue, Lou" Harry shook his head and continue to flip through the channels for a while longer. Sighing he dropped the remote on the couch between him and Louis and rested his back against the couch. "I can't find anything"

Louis rolled his eyes, amusement displaying across his features as he reached for the remote, accidentally brushing his fingers against the other boys and a shiver run through him at the touch. Pull yourself together, he thought. This isn't he first time they touched like this. Then why did it feel different now; when they were alone again in a hotel room. He glanced at Harry through his lashes and saw that the boys eyes were closed. Louis tilted his head to the side, scanning his gaze across Harry's face, admiring how relaxed and serene he looked. All he wanted was to reach out and touch him.

"Lou?" 

"Huh?" Louis asked and then his blue orbs widened when the realisation that he /had/ indeed reached out and brushed the pads of his fingers across Harry's cheek. His own cheeks suddenly felt very warm and he knew he was blushing. Quick! Think of something to say! His mind shouted at him. "If you want to sleep, just sleep, Haz. No point in sitting here with me." He offered, changing the subject completely, running a hand through his hair. 

Harry whined. Or it sounded close to a whine in Louis' ears but he didn't turn his head to look at him, instead starring straight at the tv. 

"Don't wanna." Harry said, yawning and moved closer to him, resting his head on Louis' shoulder, throwing an arm around his middle. He murmured something else but Louis didnt hear him and looking down at the boy, his grin widened when he saw that Harry was already asleep. 

"Baby lizard" Louis whispered and kissed the top of Harry's head. Flipping the channels, he knew they couldn't stay like this all night, but maybe an hour or two won't hurt. And he would never pass up an opportunity to be close to Harry. 

\------------

Everything hurt.  
Again.  
And he couldn't handle it anymore.   
It was too much. It was killing him from the inside and he didn't know how to get it out of him without causing any alarms. His eyes stung from all the tears he cried and wiped away furiously before anyone noticed. He was supposed to be strong. Supposed to have it all together. Instead here he was, sitting on the roof of their tour bus, a bottle of whiskey in hand and, he will deny this later, completely pissed. And alone. 

Which wasn't a bad thing but he could feel the voices come back again and he didn't want to listen to them. It was driving him slowly crazy and he knew that was bad. 

Maybe that was the point? Maybe he was supposed to go crazy. Then he wouldn't know what is what and woulsnt hurt. No, he supposed, there will always be that ache inside him. That need, that itch. For Harry. His best mate. The boy he was hopelessly in love with. 

With a loud groan, he held the bottle between his legs and lowered his head into his hands, fingers cluthing at his hair and tugging at it. Stupid! Stupid! Stupid! Stupid! He kept repeating silently. Why was he such an idiot? He had gone and ruined everything. With another groan, he fell backwards and looked at the sky, letting the memories flood his mind.

\-------------

It turned out that they could sleep the whole night on the couch. Wrapped around one another. With Harry holding holding him tight and Louis nuzzling his neck. When he opened his eyes and saw the tattoos in front of him, he had a lazy smile on his lips and moved his face in the crook of Harry's neck, pressing his lips barely against the skin. He felt Harry's arms around him tighten and Louis froze, because he was pretty sure he just heard Harry say his name while still asleep. He didn't, did he? Maybe Louis should try that again and see what happens. So that's what he did. He pressed his lips harder against Harry's neck and yep, he heard it loud and clear. Harry had half moaned his name. Louis didn't know what to do so he tried to pull away from the younger boys hold on him, without success and with a small sigh, stayed where he was. It was warm and safe in Harry's arms, a place he never wanted to leave but if he had to he would on the condition that when they go to sleep, he would be all wrapped up in Harry. 

Harry's hands started moving up and down his back, he noticed and from their position on their sides, Harry turned and pulled Louis with him. Which is how Louis ended up laying on top of Harry, blue eyes wide and lips parted. It was clear that the curly haired boy was still very much asleep, so Louis whispered. He needed to get away soon before Harry felt something of Louis' and yeah, that wouldn't go well. 

"Harry!" Louis whispered, poking his sides. "Hazza, wake up."

"No, stay. Don't want to wake up. Then it'll be over"

What the hell was he talking about?

"Harry, let go, we need to go soon, yeah, so come on, wake up and .... " Louis didn't finish his words, didn't know how he could. Harry was clearly trying to keep hold of his dream and for whatever reason, he thought that Louis was someone else. And it hurt. "C'mon mate, open those big green eyes for me"

He could see Harry trying really hard to resist the pull of Louis' voice but he did open his eyes. Louis smiled, Harry widened his eyes and sat up, which in turn almost threw Louis off, but then hands were on his lower back and Harry was too close. A puff of warm breath ghosted on his lips and his gaze dropped down to Harry's lips, then back up. He had almost started to lean forward; it wouldn't take much, just a tilt of their heads and bam! that could be snogging. But the moment was over and Harry let him go. 

"Shit, Lou, sorry mate. I don't know what happened" He spoke too fast for someone who had just woken up but Louis could hear the panic in his voice. 

"Harry, dont worry about it" Chuckling, he shook his head and smiled to show that it really wasn't a big deal. Even though for Louis it was. He got up from the couch and cracked a few bones, wincing. This was the last time he slept on the couch. Even if Harry is involved. "Come on, let's get ready yeah" 

"Yeah" 

\-------------

And that was it then. Life moved on and all was in the past.   
Except that it wasn't. The next drama that came, happened three days after that. 

\---------------

They were all sitting in the bus, on to their next destination when Louis wasn't feeling too well. As usual he and Harry were sitting next to each other so when he saw how poorly Louis looked, with a hand on his shoulder, Harry pushed Louis to lay his head in his lap. No one batted an eye at that, it was a normal thing for them. Or was it normal for Harry and Louis? He wasn't sure, because his head hurt and he was burning up but also freezing and he couldn't stop shivering. 

He must have dosed off at some point, for when he opened his eyes, all the lads were gone and his head wasn't in Harry's lap no more. Harry was laying behind him, both arms wrapped around him again and Louis released a happy sigh. If he got this treatment every time, he will make sure to get ill more often, he thought. 

"Lou?" Harry's voice was low and quiet, like he didn't know if the older boy was awake or not. 

Louis didnt know if he should say anything or just keep quiet, but when Harry carded his fingers through his hair, Louis was unable to stifle a low moan at the action. 

"Knew you were awake" Harry said and Louis could hear the smirk in his voice. 

"Don't know what you're talking about" Louis shot back, which sounded more like a whine than anything else. 

"Sure. D'ya feel alright? I can get you something if you want" He started getting up as he spoke but then Louis grabbed his arms amd shook his head. 

"No, stay!" 

Harry nodded and got comfortable again on the seats, his arms returning to their previous place. 

"Feel like crap." Louis answered the question Harry had asked and rubbed a hand over his face. He felt like something had crawled inside him and was nesting there. He didn't even want to think about how bad he looked. "Cold, hot, everything. Make it stop"

There was silence for a long moment and Louis thought that maybe Harry didnt hear him. 

"Right now, hot or cold?" Harry whispered in his ear and shivers ran down Louis' spine. One of Harry's hands slipped under Louis' shirt and it burned where Harry would touch him. 

He was too hot, far too hot but he didn't want Harry to stop, so he mustered all his control and breathed out a "Cold" response. 

Harry pressed his lips against Louis neck, nipping the skin and making the smalled boy moan at the touch. Louis skin was on fire but he was starting to crave more. He had longed for Harry to open his eyes and see how much Louis loved him. And now, it felt like it was too much. Harry's lips were on his skin and his face was moving, turning towards him and then lips were so close to his own. 

"Want you so bad" Louis heard himself say and then everything stopped. Harry wasn't kissing his neck anymore. His hand wasn't moving over Louis' chest. And that's when he realised what he had said. Louis groaned and pushed himself up to his feet, unable to look back at Harry. 

"Lou, wait" 

"Need sleep, Harry. Want sleep" 

When Harry didn't say anything to that, Louis walked slowly to his bunk on the bus and crawled in, closing the curtains and hiding his face in the pillow. He would have screamed from frustration but he was really sleepy and soon enough he was asleep once again. 

\---------------

Bringing the bottle back to his lips, Louis shook his head. More at himself than anything else because, when did his life get so complicated? He was supposed to be out there with the lads, partying, flirting with girls. But no, his lonesome self decided to have a little pity party. He snorted at that and took another swig, the alcohol no longer burning on the way down. 

"Lou?" 

Louis froze. He looked up at the sky, with a scowl. "Really? You can't even give me one day to feel sorry for myself? You had to send him to me now when I'm ... Like this?" He raised his arms by his side, almost letting go of the bottle. 

"Lou, I've been looking all over." Harry said and sat down next to him. 

Louis turned his face to look at him; he was still wearing the same clothes he did when Louis last saw him. Dirty dancing with some blonde bird. Louis felt sick thinking about it. Or it could have been the bottle of whiskey he had almost finished on his own. 

"And now you've found me. Congratulations, Harold. What would you like your prize to be, though I'm afraid I don't have anything on me but maybe you can come back tomorrow" 

Louis knew his words sounded harsh. They were. But he was angry and not really at Harry. Never at Harry. Himself, yeah. Always. 

He would say sorry, but ... 

"You've been here long?" Harry asked, taking the bottle from his fingers and necking the rest back. When it was empty, he swang it and it landed with a crash somewhere. 

"Define long" Louis asked and a grin displayed on his features. A small laugh erupted from his parted lips and he yawned. "Why did you leave the party?"

"Boring without you" Shrugging his shoulders, Harry rested back on his forearms and kept looking at Louis.

"You didn't even notice I was gone, so I don't think you were having such a bad time with all the girls you were practically having sex with on the dance floor"

"Maybe it wasn't the girls I wanted to have sex with on the dance floor"

Louis raised both brows and looked confused at Harry. Surely he didn't mean it in the way that it sounded. Right? 

"Then why are you here? Go get who you want and have sex with them on the damned dance floor"

"So you'll come back with me?" 

"Me? Why do you -" Louis had started the question but was cut off by Harry's mouth on his and or took him about three seconds to figure out what was going on because he was drunk, yet it didn't stop him from grabbing Harry by the front of his shirt and keeping him exactly where he was. 

Harry pulled away too soon for Louis' liking but he let go, keeping his eyes still closed. 

"Lou, look at me"

Louis shook his head. 

"Open your pretty blue eyes for me, Lou" 

Again, Louis shook his head. He was sure that once he does, it will all have been a dream and he will find himself either on the room still or in his bunk. So he wanted to stay here. With Harry. "It will end if I do. You won't be here and it will all be a dream and I don't want that"

He heard Harry sigh and then he was being pushed backwards as a body lay atop him. He felt lips on his neck again and a moan escaped his mouth, hands raising to tangle in Harry's curls. 

"Lou" 

Harry's voice sounded so broken, it pained Louis to know it was because of him. Slowly he opened his eyes and met green ones. Harry was smiling and Louis felt his lips curl into a smile as well. 

"Hi" 

\--------------

He groaned and pulled the covers over his head more. His head was pounding and his mouth tasted like an ashtray. Every limb felt heavy and another groan escaped. 

"Lou, shh" 

Louis' eyes snapped open and he turned to look behind him. How did he not notice someone in his bed? Actually, how did he get to his bed? Last thing he remembers was drinking and then Harry had showned up and -. "Shit!" He whispered, looking at Harry sleeping next to him. 

"Morning, but can we go back to sleep for another few hours, please?" Harry asked and his arm tightened around Louis naked torso. 

Wait, what? 

Louis picked up the covers and saw that he was in fact stark naked. OhnoOhnoOhno! Please tell him he didn't have sex with Harry while drunk. Lifting the covers once more, he saw that Harry was more or less fully clothed. Then why was he naked? 

"You decided to have a shower with your clothes on and then do a striptease for me" Harry said as if reading his mind. 

"So, we didn't...?"

"Not for the lack of trying on your part" Harry opened his eyes now and smirked. 

Louis groaned and covered his face with his hands. Great, he had completely embarrassed himself in front of the one man he loves and now will never live it down. Or have sex with Harry because who would want to - 

"How much do you remember from last night?" 

Louis thought about it. They were at a club. He left because Harry was surrounded with birds. Then he had found a bottle of whiskey on the bus and drank it on the roof. Then Harry and .... And it was blank. 

"Not much after you came" His voice was quiet, unsure. 

"So you don't remember us snogging?" 

"What?!"

"Yeah, it went something like this" Harry said with a grin and cupped Louis' cheek in his hand, leaning closer and crushing their lips together. 

Louis thought he might die. Like, actually die from all the feelings inside him. He felt like he was drowing again and the voices were back but it was different now. He didn't mind drowning in Harry. With Harry. The voices were loud but they were cheering for Louis. For finally getting what he wanted. And he smiled into the kiss, putting his arms around Harry's neck, pulling him closer, almost as if he was trying to mold their two bodies into one. 

And the best part? That was only the beginning.


End file.
